[american voice] feliz navidad
the first time I saw a dick I was 13 or 14 and he was 16 but we were internet friends and we had been discussing the prospect of sexting for a bit and he was like “well I just jacked off” and he sent me a dick pic and he wasn’t circumcised and also was very small and tbh it looked like a mushroom and since it was the first dick id ever seen I didn’t really know how to react or reply but I knew I had to reply so you know what I said?
Of course it is.
ALL BITCHES THIS IS MY HOME TOWN TAKE A FUCKING SEAT WHILE I TELL YOU THIS STORY. GET A BOWL OF POPCORN BECAUSE THIS SHIT IS DOPE
IN THE 1940’S PORTLAND WAS PUTTING IN LAMPPOSTS AND FOR WHATEVER GOD DAMN REASON THIS ONE NEVER GOT FILLED.
IN 1946, DICK FAGAN, AN AMERICAN IRISHMAN WHO WROTE FOR THE OREGON JOURNAL, GOT BLOODY FUCKING BORED AT HIS JOB AND WOULD LOOK OUT HIS WINDOW ONTO THIS SAD EXCUSE FOR ROAD CONSTRUCTION HOLE. ONE DAY HE SAID “FUCK THIS” AND PLANTED SOME FLOWERS.
HE WROTE ABOUT THIS NEW FUCKING PARK AND SPOKE ABOUT HOW LEPRECHAUNS LIVED THERE AND SHIT. MOTHERFUCKING LEPRECHAUNS IN THE MIDDLE OF DOWNTOWN, WHAT THE SHIT.
HOLD ONTO TO THE EDGE OF YOUR SEATS BECAUSE THIS RIDE GETS EVEN BETTER. THIS PARK HOLDS A GUINNESS WORLD RECORD FOR BEING THE SMALLEST PARK WITH WITH INFORMATION SAYING “It was designated as a city park on 17 March 1948 at the behest of the city journalist Dick Fagan (USA) for snail races and as a colony for leprechauns”. MOTHER. FUCKING. SNAIL RACES. BITCHES.
IT’S EVEN BEEN PIMPED OUT OVER THE YEARS
HO HO HO MOTHERFUCKS WE CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS HERE
WE CARE ABOUT THE ENVIRONMENT.
THE BEST PART IS THAT IT EVEN HAD OCCUPY PORTLAND PROTESTERS
SO I HOPE YOU FUCKING LEARNED SOMETHING TODAY ABOUT TINY ASS PARKS.
I̼ ̮̼̟̫̗͇͜B̻͚͇̦̬E͙͕͙̼͎T̲̟̜̖̦ ͚̣̼͠Y̞͖͎̙̪̺O̯̱̮̗̯̪U̸̝̬ͅͅ ̷̗̺T̶̳̘H͢O͠U̡͕̳̘̫͉͉̲G̢̮̥̲H͙̠̮̞̠̬T̼̫ ̜Y̡̤̟̗͉͓ͅO͚̹̤̼͉͡U͇̤͉͍’̦̭̝̜̟̥D ̦̩͓͟ͅS͙̼̟͓͈̮̼E̫͈̱̣̼̞͔E̖̥̳̹̩̯N̘̤ T͇̲͎H̥͙̪͚̕ͅE҉̖̥̮͉ ̖L̦A̗͓̝͚̦ͅS҉̗̺̣͓̰T̠͕̰͕͔͞ ̤̝͓̕Ò͓̭̠F̬̞̠ͅ ̖̤͉̞̥ͅME̢̮̬͕̩
WTF = Where’s The Fiona
LOL = Lots Of Layers
STFU = Shrek’s The Funniest Underdog
OMFG = Ogre Meeting Farquad’s Guards
XD = Xtreme Donkey
YOLO = You’re One Lovely Ogre
do you swear to eat the ass the whole ass and nothing but the ass so help you god
in English we learned that the stem rect means straight and my friend texted me to say “I remember what rect means because erection” and now I can’t focus in class